what happen

January 30th, 2009

I have a feeling that I’ve already used that title before. Oh well, who cares.

I keep going through these phases where I think so much about writing that I can’t actually write anything. Then I stretch myself out to the point where I am all thin and… Tesla Girls by Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark is kind of distracting me. I figure if I am to get back into writing I should probably give into my ooh shiny leaps over the gaps in continuity from my inner dialogue with myself.

Some of my most intrusive insights concerning myself come from these moments.

Also, I completely give up on trying to write properly. I was hoping to set a good example for myself sooner than later but maybe ENG 2020 can fix me up. Like a mechanic. In the house of Doctor. If I’m going to continue playing with language like that, I should probably take it over to the other web page.

No defining moment, no illusive topic. Okay I lied. Completely illusive.

sea kittens

January 17th, 2009

In an unexpected reversal of events, people are now eating ‘land kittens’ because of PETA’s successful campaign to call fish ‘sea kittens’.

devil move

January 13th, 2009

 There are no reassurances. At the end of your day there is no guarantee. Sometimes it does not matter how much you believe in ideals or what is right. When it is done none of it counts for anything. King James was right when he wrote that the meek shall inherit the earth. We live in those times.

The weak and the helpless and the illiterate, they control your fate. The less a person has, the more they have power over you. Our cultures and political and economic structures support that. You will never go to bed with a smug smile on your face and sleep soundly unless you have the American dream of having someone else owe you.

In the end, your dreams will no longer belong to you. Those who cannot dream need them more than those who have. Stripped of your dreams and your sanity you will always fall asleep wondering how the world could have been. How would the world have been if people believed in accountability, responsibility, compassion for their fellow humans? Compassion is no longer a positive value because it steals from the American dream of having something over your neighbor. The more you can hold over them, the more that they owe you. How can you reasonably expect to survive off of someone else’s sweat if you think of them as human like your self? The only way to survive for the weak and the helpless is to dehumanize those around them.

It does not matter how rational and reasonable you are. When your society is determined to dehumanize you, there is nothing left you can do. There will not be anyone to turn to. There is no one to listen. All there is left to do is watch those strands of hope plucked from your head each day. Watch yourself die slowly. The evil was never in the crime. The crime was in allowing the devil to decide your fate.

new blog

December 24th, 2008

I’ve started a new blog.

I haven’t even been managing this one very well. Maybe I will post my ‘conspiracy theory’ about the shoe-incident.

taste the words

December 9th, 2008

futuristic head rip mind explades froth with venom minuscule gobrade.

fission fueled cessation multi playered suggestion forward gathering speak watch

misfollowed brain splotch.

yorgen film switch fling quantum arrowed water sting

forgotten shapes, evaporated lakes, mortified tree stakes tenting into our bloated filth encrusted swing trust.

hollowed gourd-like night tremors alky swallowed face shroud glancing at our pants lost in an illusion of love smitten France compelled to lean closer desired to mean more, sir.

with trappings and trimmings and teething’s and tinnings and thinnings and Then we coalesce into

working through systems overload contributing to extensive modal exponential lemming potential and please burn the forest down

consume the undergrowth. Your food should not continue to live after you digest it.

expel the waste

defecate

field day

December 5th, 2008

Just today I was having some fond memories of field days while I was contemplating cleaning my house. For those of you unfamiliar with the term ‘field day‘ it is code for exhaustive all day detail oriented cleaning. The term itself does not mean cleaning day. I just think that cleaning days were called field days to put some positive spin on it. Kind of like the time I worked at a wilderness therapy camp for at risk youth and we labeled the baking soda as “Yummy Toothpaste”. Anybody with children will recognize this tactic.

Anyway, field days were actually awesome. From boot camp on up to the time I spent on the sub, field days also meant a change of routine and escape from other responsibilities. This is because cleaning was now our number one priority at exclusion of all else. We were expected to find the most remote corners of our spaces and clean them with a toothpicks fineness in detail.

In boot camp, this did not make much difference. We could be found or seen anywhere because there were no hidden spaces. On the boat this made all the difference in the world. Sometimes we would have to fight for a good spot to clean. We could twist our bodies through all sorts of pipes and infrastructure forming ourselves into pretzels where we could fall asleep for almost half of the day.

Field days included all personnel. From the captain down to the newest recruits. Everybody was to be cleaning, minus those needed to operate the boat and drive the boat while we were at sea. This generally meant that clean-up would be completed after the first hour. Leaving the rest of the work day to focus on deep cleaning and detail work. Detail work meant for me to study the backs of my eyelids.

I don’t know if my shipmates were excited about field days like I was, but I always welcomed these times.

microsoft points

November 29th, 2008

Here’s a quick and dirty breakdown of Microsoft Points as of 11/28/08.

arc = arcade

  • Full Game = 1600 points | Microsoft = 21.56, Amazon = 17.92 | $3.64 difference
  • Upper Arc = 1200 points |
  • MiddleArc =  800 points | $1.82 difference
  • Lower Arc =  400 points |
  • Microsoft       1.35 per 100 | 10.78 for 800 Microsoft Points | 21.56 for 1600 MS Points
  • Amazon 1600 1.24 per 100 |  9.92 for 800 Microsoft Points | 19.84 for 1600 MS Points
  • Amazon 4000 1.12 per 100 |  8.96 for 800 Microsoft Points | 17.92 for 1600 MS Points

If you’d like the numbers displayed in an easier read format, I’ll be happy to spend some more time working on it. For example: I have been averaging 1600 points per month. This is above average spending based purely on speculation. I could be saving a total of three-and-a-half dollars per month, or $43.68 per year. That’s my skype bill. I know it doesn’t seem like that much savings at first, but I believe it really adds up and is worth holding out for the 4000 points. 

just one pepsi

November 24th, 2008

And she wouldn’t give it to me.

I’ve been living in a surreality. Or maybe I’ve been living inside of an Adam Sandler movie. Besides that, things are going okay, I guess. Those of you reading my blog, all two of you ;), please be nice to Funny Girl. You are all welcome to discuss whatever you wish but please don’t scare her away. It appears she may be open to the idea of communicating but I need your help, people.

Anything that comes out of my mouth will immediately be discredited. However, there are some out there that she may have a more open mind towards. Feel free to dis me all you want. It makes her happy ;) but please don’t dis on her. I’ve already started by being a good example by transforming into a duck. Something about water off of their backs or something.

Oh and, Doom on the Xbox360 is freaking awesome. I love death-matches.

cluttered

November 23rd, 2008

I burned my fingers badly. I fail miserably at handling materials that have been in the stove. While it was hot. Maybe I am a reflection of my inner clutter. Like a turtle. Although, I believe a different creature would describe my habits better. What do you call those fuzzy little things from South America? Like hedgehogs or something but completely different.

My fingers are smooth. Yet the ripples of my fingerprints linger in my mind. I meant to say across. They linger across my mind. When you skip a stone across a deep, still, smooth part of a river. That’s a keld by the way. Like the cranberries. Yes, I have to.

I haven’t dumped my stream of consciousness for a while now. There’s a pun there. I haven’t poured it like this in writing for a while. Speaking of pouring, you know what had a positive flow today? That utility from the board game that didn’t have the light bulb. Yeah, that one. I didn’t turn them off. I just let it go. This happened before I created scar tissue on my fingertips.

I think I’m going to call in sick today. Still not at the top of my game.

In other news: I am still having difficulties with my tense when writing. I still can’t stick to just one. Some moments I use present tense and the next sentence I’m using past. And I am still catching myself using the passive voice. My English teacher would be failing me right now. Time for me to go back to school.

Spring semester sounds attractive. Summer semester sounds more attractive. Anyone have awesome suggestions for which school deserves me? :)

persolinibty

November 20th, 2008

Having a discussion with a friend yesterday, I understood something that had been bothering me for a while. The basis of what disturbs me is the perception people around me have on responsibility and accountability. I find the whole philosophy of our current thought climate to be lacking. I do not postulate this thesis in order to separate myself from others through intellectual division. I put forth this idea in the hopes that maybe even one person will understand a little bit more.

The conversation revolved around a plant outside of my apartment. It is a lilac plant and the leaves were wilted and dry. This was not due to the season. The leaves were brown because I had failed to water the plant during the summer.

My friend suggested several justifications for why it was not my fault that the plant was not healthy. Some of those suggestions are probably at your lips this very moment. Ready to tell me that among several other reasons, the plant is not mine. I did not place the plant there, away from the sprinklers. It’s just a plant. The person who asked me to be responsible for the plant should have been taking care of it. I am sure my readers can think of a million and one excuses for why I was not directly responsible for the plant being unhealthy.

This is where I beg to differ and I believe that this situation illustrates an environment that surrounds us on a larger scale. I may go so far as to imply that our culture holds the above example to its chest as a core value. “It’s not my fault.” The stories of our current culture are collected and told from the courtrooms. They are no longer told from family units or individuals. Stories are told from the collective. I will touch on that topic later.

My position on the whole matter of the plant was this: The plant was dying because I did not water it. I was aware of the plants existence and I was also aware that the plant needed assistance because it would not be healthy on its own. The reason I am responsible is because I *wanted* the plant to be healthy. If I want the plant to be healthy and I have the means to keep it so, why should I not also be the one responsible for this?

It would not be very becoming of me if I were to express anger or outrage that the plant was dying. It would not be right of me to blame others for the failing of the plant. If I did not have a desire in my heart for the plant to succeed, well, there would be no issue now. Any emotional outburst from a different party would not convince me so. They would have to be very persuasive to make me want what they want. At that juncture I would then be an agent of their desires and no longer a man of my own mind.

I hope you, reader, can follow the path of this thought and see the larger picture that I am alluding to.

I would like to discuss this more in the near future.

Update: What I’m trying to get at, is that it is not someone else’s job to help me get what I want. That is my responsibility, alone. Making others do my bidding only makes me a parasite unless I can help them achieve their wants if they do not have the means to do so.